A DAY I WILL NEVER FORGET

 There has been a lot of defining moments in my life. To be brutally honest, a lot of those moments I would have rather not happened. But they have played a huge part in who I am today, and I strongly believe that despite how hard they may have been, everything does happen for a reason.

I've been through some shit. 99% of that shit I do not and will not ever (well, we'll see) post online, as it is private and too difficult to share so openly. I felt like this about what I am going to talk about today for a good portion of time.

2 years ago on August 16, I was denied of entering a university I have applied for. I feel shaky and tingly and sad writing that.

I can talk pretty candidly about a lot of hard things in my life, to my friends or family. However, whenever I try to talk about this, or write about it in this case, I get choked up. It's strange. I only really realise how much that day actually affected me when I think about it for long enough. I guess that is because I have trained my brain to block it out for the most part.

Okay, here we go. I was actually looking forward to entering the university in 2018. I was positive I was going to get in because I did pretty well with my senior high final grades and so I wasn't expecting anything negative when it came to admission. To top it up, I can boldly say I tried hard to be the most righteous person in that particular year. I remember joining the royal house chapel in their camp meeting. And i also remember going into a covenant with God and it was all about my admission. I kept my end of the bargain and I knew God will keep his.

The day came for me to go to the school and check whether my name was on the list or not. I was optimistic but my stomach was rumbling as well. I got to the school, checked my name and........ I rechecked and ....... My name wasn't there. I stood rooted to the notice board as if I was a dummy waiting for someone to come and buy the dress on me or something like that. Suddenly, movement seemed so hard I couldn't move my legs. I checked again and I still couldn't find my name. Then it dawned on me, my name wasn't on the list. How I found my way out of the school premises still baffles my mind up till date. On my way to board a troski home, all the ridiculous and reckless thoughts one could ever think of crossed my mind. The one I can remember was committing suicide. I was planning to pretend I was crossing the street and then intentionally delay so a random vehicle would just run me over. (It wasn't easy) I miraculously found myself in a troski at the station waiting for other passengers to get inside so we move. I remember sitting down reminiscing and the tears just started to flow like that of Boti water falls. ( I didn't make a sound lol. The silent type of crying. Yesss) I just couldn't control the tears. The mate and some passengers who were sitting close to me noticed I was sobbing. I thought and said to myself; "Silly People, they think a guy has broken my heart". (Hahahaha) I came home and slept the rest of the day off. And I was actually happy the day ended.

I started to ask a lot of questions the days after that unforgettable day. I quickly swam into a river of depression. Why didn't God keep his end of the bargain? Is my life over? Would it ever be better? Why me? Is this the end?
I learnt a lot from this experience which I think I you should also grab one or two. I learnt that we don't always get what we want. No matter how hard we try, losing is a part of life. And one more thing, sometimes our plans don't align with that of God's and so we get disappointed when things don't go our way. The truth is, God's plan is alwaaaaays the best. He knows you, he knows what's good for you and his plans are awesome my guy. Who knows what would have happened if I got the admission? Well, what I know is that I've had the best experiences from that unforgettable day to present. It is all timing. I'm in school now and I'm doing what I love best. I believe the universe has it's own way of working, when it's your time, nothing and no one can stop you from reaching your goal. When it's your time, everything will fall into place. Everything you touch will be the right thing and you magically meet the right people at that particular time. Hard work will even relax for you. (Sighs!)

I am a writer. I write about everything. Even if I don't post what I write about online, I write. In notebooks and in letters. It has taken me 2 years to write one thing about this. I am proud of that.

I think it is time to leave this here. There is more I could say but also there isn't. I would just ramble about how much my life has changed, how my anxiety spiralled, how much it affected me psychologically. It is already triggering enough for me, and maybe you. I think you get the general gist from this extract.

Bye for now,
Angel
Xoxo