HOW TO FORGIVE YOURSELF FROM YOUR PAST MISTAKES

 

How to Forgive Yourself From Your Mistakes





Hey guyssss, welcome to my worlddddd!

Listen up! Today it gets real. We are talking about overcoming our mistakes and forgiving ourselves. It’s something that’s been on my heart ever since I read the book You Are A Bad Ass by Jen Sincero. In the book, she states, “you are better than your worst mistake.” And after reading this, it became apparent to me that most of us value ourselves at the level of our worst mistake opposed to leading a life in celebration of our most significant accomplishments. Well, that stops today my friend.

MY GUT WRENCHING MISTAKE

We all have regrets, let’s be honest both big and small. But chances are there are one or two mistakes that you’ve previously made that are still plaguing you. A mistake that is holding on to you so freaking tight you feel like you are still suffocating under something that happened years ago. We all have that thought that pops into our head on our worst day whose sole purpose is to prove to you that, yes, in fact, you are a shitty person who deserves to eat garbage.

The mistake that absolutely crushes me brings me back to basic school when my cousin(Wendy Tetteh) lost her life to cancer. When she was admitted to the hospital for the last time, my siblings and I piled into her room to share our final moments together.

And as our time together had ended, we all stood up to say goodbye, and each person walked up to hug her.  Except for me. I couldn’t move. I stood transfixed. Horrified and crippled by shock and sadness, I refused to accept the truth that this was the end. I told myself, “I will hug her next time.” But deep down, I knew there would be no next time. So I just stood and waved goodbye from across the room, letting fear and cowardice make the best of me.

And from time to time, I am haunted by this memory. Not every day but on tough days this memory surfaces, bringing a whole host of crappy emotions with it. Toxic Guilt, deep embarrassment and paralyzing selfishness.

And I’ve learned that on our most difficult days, when we already feel sucky is when thoughts like this pop into our heads making us feel worse. But, if we could forgive ourselves, and let this guilt go, then maybe on our hardest days, these thoughts won’t surface. Maybe, instead of being crushed by our thoughts, we can forgive ourselves and be the cheerleader we need ourselves to be.

This story is hard to recount for many reasons. But this story needs to be shared because if I go first and admit that something that happened to me eleven years ago still haunts me, then maybe, just maybe, you can too. And we can learn to forgive ourselves together.

Step # 1 – ACKNOWLEDGE IT

Listen up! We can’t hide from our mistakes. You can’t shove the guilt down so deep that it haunts you fifteen years later. If something is tugging on your heart begging to get out you need to acknowledge it.

Pushing and shoving an emotion down, or better yet, ignoring the feeling altogether and pretending that it’s not there does precisely the opposite of what you are intending. You are fueling the fire and giving it power. When you continue to beat yourself up from a mistake you made decades ago,  you allow that fire to continue to burn.

But when you acknowledge it. When you say out loud or write in a journal or admit it quietly to yourself, “I’m sorry and I’m ready to move on,” you take the first steps to extinguish the fire. You pop the bubble of guilt.

Step #2 – LOOK AT YOUR ACHIEVEMENTS INSTEAD

Okay, so you did something terrible. You failed the test. You missed the shot. You said that mean, horrible thing. You rear-ended that car. It happened. Yes. There is no denying that.

But, you’ve also done remarkable things. You faced the test. You scored the goal. You said that beautiful, kind thing. You saved the dog from the side of the road. It happened. There is no denying that.

See. You have light and dark within you. Good and bad. And all are welcome in your life. It’s all a part of being human. You’ve made mistakes, but you’ve also made some other killer decisions. Allow yourself to recognize the good that you have done, and allow that to be an antidote for your big ugly thing.

How do I do that, you ask? Write in a journal all that you have accomplished (I’m not kidding, I’ve done this and it’s powerful). Honestly, give yourself some time to reflect on all the good things that you have done in your life and start to give those thoughts power, not the guilt-ridden ones.

Step #3: TAKE MASSIVE ACTION

The only way you really seal the deal, and fully apologize for your mistake is to take action. We’ve all heard the quote, “action speaks louder than words.” Well, yeah, that’s because it does.

The reason you haven’t forgiven yourself yet is that you haven’t done anything to prove that you are sorry. You need to physically do something, write something, say something that will prove to yourself and others that you are never going to go back to that place again. You need to accept that there is a lesson in what happened and take that lesson and use it as fuel for your fire to forgive yourself.

THE BIG FINALE

You are better than the worst person you ever dated. You are so much better than your worst drunk night in college (I’m still settling with this one). You are better than the worst grade you ever got. You are.

You are the only one that hasn’t forgiven yourself for whatever it is that happened. You are still wrestling with yourself because you don’t allow yourself to make mistakes. But hear me when I say this. You are human. A human who is allowed to mess up. A human who did the best she could with the information she had at that time. But, you are not allowed to beat yourself up for years and years. You cannot wallow. That stops TODAY. Today marks the day that you finally forgive yourself, and keep on keeping on.

Here’s to failing, learning, and growing together.

Love, Angel
Xoxo❤